


A Beginner's Guide to Haggling

by whythursdaynext



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, I told you that you could be in Critical Role fanfic, This Is For You, also HAGGLING, pre Vox Machina, shoutout to the Backblaze guy!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7737109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whythursdaynext/pseuds/whythursdaynext
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The half-elven twins Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia have had a rough year. Since finding their home destroyed, and their mother dead, they’ve been running through the forests of Taldurei, scrounging and foraging to get by. But with the onset of winter, they’ve had to head back into town...</p><p>AKA Vex learns her scariest skill set.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Beginner's Guide to Haggling

As it were, they only had 1 gold, 14 silver, and 3 copper left. Vex had counted them at least a hundred times, and the number did not change. It hadn’t moved in months, as after the 10 gold they spent traveling to their old home was gone along with any hope of a home, Vex had instituted money saving measures. That was, they weren’t to spend any money at all, not unless absolutely necessary. She wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, but her education in Sygorn had probably saved them from starvation these past months. But even her ranger skills couldn’t get them through winter without any permanent shelter, and so Vax had finally persuaded her that it was time to find lodgings, just for a little while. 

She had counted them one last time before the walk into town, and the number circled through her mind, as they meandered through the square, looking for an inn that was cheap. It wasn’t a very big town, so they only found one: The Backblaze, an unusual name for an inn. 

The room inside had only three occupants. The dwarven barmaid, cleaning mugs meticulously, such that the worn metal shone like the noon sun. A pile of rags they assumed to be a man collapsed onto a corner table, snoring and snuffling loudly enough to reassure anyone wondering that he was not dead. The last fellow was a big burly half-orc, covered in tattoos. He was perched on a stool in front of the fire, picking a intricate little melody out on his lute, seemingly obvious to the world around him. 

Vax, self-nominated spokesman for the two, approached the counter. “Hey, sorry to bother you, but might you be able to tell us how much for a room?” 

“3 silver a night,” the barmaid said, without looking up from her glass. “How many nights you be stayin’?”

“Uh, five, thank you,” Vex cut in. “And if you have anything to eat, we’d greatly appreciate-” 

“Fifteen silver then,” the barmaid said, “and all we’ve got right now is porridge, copper a bowl.” 

“Two please,” Vex said, setting the required amount on the counter. 

After they had received their key and their porridge, they sat at a table along the wall and gorged themselves on the bland bowl of soupy grains. As bad as it was it was also their first real food since Syngorn. 

Vax had eaten half his bowl, and Vex had scraped all the way down to the bottom, when they both noticed a massive shadow creep over the table. 

“You two are new around these parts, aren’t you?” The half orc asked. 

Vex leaned a tiny bit closer to her bag with all her worldly possessions. “Just passing through,” she said, almost faking breezy. 

“Not that I’m being rude, miss,” the half-orc continued. “But see, everyone around here knows that you only pay a silver a night round these parts. Any more than that, they’re cheating you.”

Vex stopped eating porridge and looked at her pouch of gold in horror. “That’s TEN LESS SILVER,” she said near tears, now certain that her mismanagement would destroy them, that this winter would be the one to finally kill them. They’d run out of money in a week and be out on the street, freezing and starving. 

Vax, well aware that the waste of that much silver would cause an emotional crisis of the deepest kind for his sister, tried to politely shoo the strange creature away. “Thanks for the info, mister, I’m sure it will be very useful.” 

Instead of leaving, the half-orc slid into the booth next to him. Completely ignoring Vax’s discomfort as this move, he leaned across the table towards Vex. “But if you’d like, I can teach you how to get your money back,” he whispered. “Keeping an eye out for shady innkeepers is a skill I’ve unfortunately had need to pick up in the course of my travels.” 

Vex looked up from the dark pit of despair. “We might be able to get it back?” She whispered, even quieter. “How?” 

“Haggling,” the bard said, a broad smile crossing his face. “Using your words and your charm to get whatever you may need.” 

“Haggling…” Vex repeated, the hopeful look fading. “I’m not sure I can do that, mister.” 

“Sure you can! Just remember the rules,” he said, squishing Vax a little bit as he gestured. 

Vex frowned. “What rules?” 

“Happy people give you more. Leave if the deal’s bad. And always stay cool.” 

Vax grumbled from the corner, “With winter coming, that shouldn’t be too hard.” 

“How do I make people happy?” Vex asked, ignoring him. 

The half-orc shrugged. “Some people tell jokes, but I find that a nice smile works best. Maybe add a little flourish if you’re feeling it.” 

Vex thought for a moment. She tried different smiles while still thinking, which looked hilarious. Vax, laughing, stuffed his face in his cloak and hoped his sister didn’t strangle him later. 

“Like this?” Vex finally said, and smiled, a real genuine smile, and then she winked. 

The half-orc nodded. “That’ll work.” He leaned to her ear. “Now go try it on the barmaid.” 

Vex leaned back, shocked. “But…”

“Go ask for a plate of meat and cheese,” he continued. “Don’t worry, kid, you’re a natural.” 

Vax just shrugged, so Vex slid out of the booth and went to the counter, knowing that she was still starving, her brother was too. 

“Hi,” Vex said, leaning oh-so-casually on the bar. The barmaid was still cleaning mugs. 

“We’ve heard that you’ve got some meat and cheese plates here. Could you get one for the table?” 

“Sure. 5 copper then.”

Vex smiled deeper. “We’ve also heard that the going rate for rooms is only a silver a night. Maybe you could just put it on our tab.” 

The barmaid looked up from the mug, eyebrows knit. 

“Please if you would, darling,” Vex said, and winked. 

The barmaid opened her mouth to argue, and then seemed to decide against it. She disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a tray laden with meats and cheeses, which she slammed on the counter. 

Vex picked it up. “Thank you, darling,” she said, and sauntered back to the table, where her brother was watching dumbfounded. 

The half-orc grinned and pulled a third of the meat off the plate. “See? Natural.” 

Vex grinned and nibbled on cheese. They may not have much money left, but she could make it work. 

 


End file.
